


The Trials and Tribulations of Being the Only Female Member of the Akatsuki

by kierigakure



Category: Naruto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:01:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23307244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kierigakure/pseuds/kierigakure
Summary: The pros and cons of being the only female Akatsuki member told in a series of stories.Mostly cons.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	The Trials and Tribulations of Being the Only Female Member of the Akatsuki

Between running around doing Pein’s bidding and keeping the members of their organization from ripping each other to shreds that day, Konan felt entitled to ten hours of rest _at minimum_.  
  
Not in a mood to deal with anybody’s nonsense, she had dinner on the table by 6:00 P.M. and the dishes cleared away by 7:00. Whilst snatching Kisame’s plate right from underneath his nose (and ignoring the way he pouted, sulking to his partner about how picking the meat off of the animal’s carcass is always the most enjoyable part of his meal), she leveled the Zombie Combo with the deadliest glare she could muster. Hidan seemed set on ignoring her pointed gaze. Kakuzu, on the other hand, cleared his throat and pulled the other immortal to his feet, muttering about how he’ll wash the dishes and the Jashinist will dry.  
  
With clean-up now taken care of, she excused herself to her chambers, ignoring the chorus of thanks she received for cooking ‘yet another delicious meal’ as Pein put it.  
  
Now shut inside her room, she took her time stripping herself of her Akatsuki robe, hanging it on the hook attached to the back of her door before moving on to the next article of clothing. This continued until she stood naked as the day she was born. Then, she drew herself a bath, topped with Lavender body wash with a dye as vibrant as her hair.  
  
She soaked in the soapy mixture until her (boiling hot) water ran lukewarm and she began to scrub her body. Once she finished that, she allowed the tub to drain while she went about the rest of her night routine.  
  
Proving to be an intricate and tiresome process, Konan practically fell asleep the moment she hit the pillow. Drowsiness enveloped her and all the sounds of the hideout (Hidan and Deidara arguing, Tobi screaming and Kakuzu griping at all three) fell away.

***

Konan woke up having to pee.  
  
Badly.  
  
But she was _soooo_ comfortable in bed, the last thing she wanted to do was get up and make the trip!  
  
Being the only woman, Pein gave her access to one of the biggest rooms in the hideout with its own private bathroom attached. Deidara, upset that he had to share a bathroom with Tobi, began to sneak into her bathroom to use it when she was out on missions.  
  
Since he was the only one that confessed (despite her suspecting he wasn’t the only one doing so), he solely shouldered the blame once she returned from one of those missions to find her toilet broken.  
  
So.  
  
Now she had to journey to the middle of the hideout in the pitch-black night... to tinkle in the communal bathroom.  
  
With a sigh, she set out to do just that.  
  
She didn’t bother turning on lights in her haste, dead set on making it to the bathroom and back to her bed before she had the chance to lose any more sleep. Instead, she used her hands to guide herself down the hallway, paying no mind to the rough stone scratching against the soft skin of her palms.  
  
Once she made it there, sure to lock the door tight behind herself, she shimmied her way to the toilet (quite literally as she had already pushed her pajama pants down to her knees), and prepared to sit on the seat.  
  
Bending at the knees, Konan allowed herself to sink the rest of the way down on what she thought would be the plush red toilet seat cover she bought.  
  
But, no.  
  
She swore she felt herself fall for ten seconds, hands shooting out to find purchase on a countertop, the toilet paper roll, _anything_ to keep herself from landing directly on her ass. Those actions proved to be fruitless, however, when she felt herself sitting _directly inside_ the toilet bowl.

Toilet water was literally touching her ass. Her thighs were pressed against the ovular outline chiseled into the marble.  
  
A few moments of silence passed. She felt the heat from her cheeks spread to the rest of her face and neck. Her hands, both gripping the edge of the porcelain throne, quite literally shook with the rage she felt.  
  
“WHO. LEFT. THE TOILET SEAT UP? I FELL. IN. _**AGAIN**_.”  
  
From various points in the hideout, she heard people shuffling in their beds. Some groaned, while others cursed.  
  
One door flew open and bounced against the wall of the person’s bedroom. She heard the sound of rapid footfall followed by cries of ‘ _Senpai, Senpai, she’s gonna get me!_ ’ rush past the bathroom and further down the hall.  
  
This, of course, was followed up by the sound of another door being kicked in, and one body landing on top of another.  
  
“Ow, Tobi! Get off of me and stop breaking into my room, un!”


End file.
